SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2001

10:00 am: Free pastries and coffee served. Ed is racing agianst the clock to build showers just for you mods, so hopefully that will work out. If nothing else, he's promising cold showers.

Noon: Group ride departs. (Ride will stop for lunch). We've found a nearby man-made swimming lake with showers, (much better than the river) so it looks like we'll go there.

4:00 pm: Group ride returns. Games start, including a scooter pile-on, slow ride, gymkhana, and the now-infamous Original Juan's Stomach of Steel contest. This year, we might finally give up on the tug-o-war, having never actually won one. No one ever wants to play soccer, but we'll bring a ball just in case. There is little doubt that if we watch enough "Jackass," we will find things to do.

This year there will be a Pinewood Derby with elimination heats all afternoon and the final race run during the Saturday night festivities. There will be awards for best-looking car and first-, second-, and third-fastest cars. Cars competing in races must conform to Official Cub Scout Pinewood Derby rules, with a few exceptions. can be entered in the "best-looking" contest. Email Jack for more information, or to order a car kit. Official kits can also be bought at your local hobby shop, Scout shop, or online.

7:00 pm Buffet Dinner is served to paid rally participants. Vegetarian food will be available, but if you're a full-on vegan, you made a choice, and we're proud of you and your commitment, but, geez, you can't expect a biker bar to have any sympathy for you. They do sell wine coolers, for some weird reason, though.

During dinner, (and at registration) raffle tickets will be sold ($1 each!) to win a BRAND-NEW 2001 KYMCO PEOPLE SCOOTER from Baron Von Scoot, and many other prizes. Raffle proceeds will go to Toys for Tots, our favorite charity, so please chip in! Last year we raised $200 and you should have seen the look on those biker's faces as we gave them the cash in a smoky VFW hall last autumn. We can only imagine how happy the kids were. This year, we hope to raise a lot more with such an awesome prize!

8pm: As darkness falls, more fun begins:

Tom "White Hills of" Shover and Mike Stirk of Mega Super Ultra will DJ a live version of their WLUW Power Hour show as we dance on the outdoor stage. They're really good. Tom and Mike respectfully request that all male full frontal nudity be confined to the non-stage area, and that dancers wear some sort of eyeglass retention system. Jed James of WLUW's Radio Free Chicago will also DJ. Doesn't he look emo in that picture up there? He's really good too. WLUW is just a damn good station, i don't know what I'd do without it. Guys, if you're reading this, please play "Last Nite" by the Strokes for me, OK? Raffle prizes and merit badges will be handed out, and a very special Pinewood Derby awards ceremony will take place after the last race.

12:00am: Drink and drink and drink and listen to Twisted Sister on Ian's boombox and drink. Please do not throw the sittin' logs into the fire. there are burnin' logs for that. The sittin' logs are for sittin'.

1:00am: Bar closes, Free keg outside, no outside alcohol, carry-out available, etc. (see Friday) Do silly things. Find that nice Iowan guy with the suitcase.